cary grant and being dead

Cary Grant and Constance Bennett star in "Topper" (1937)

There's a lot to say about how media affects us humans. Probably I will say more on that later. For now, take a look at this still from the 1937 film, "Topper." What do you see? Early film magic gave us an image of two well-dressed people as ghosts. It's very effective--and hilariously funny--in the film. And, golly, Cary Grant...sigh...

Okay. Why am I bringing up an old film that you may never have seen? I wrote earlier about my question, "How do I know I'm not dead?" Here is the backstory.

I was on a Zoom call with a book group. Because it's a spiritually oriented book group, we meditate for a bit at the start of each call. I don't meditate much these days (more on that later, too, probably), but I will when I'm in a group.

Almost immediately after I closed my eyes, I saw myself get up from the chair and walk across the room. (Is it possible to see with eyes closed? Yes, of course. Maybe more on that, too.) "Huh. This has never happened before." It was weird/wyrd, but I certainly have heard of others having this experience. I just remained curious and watched what the version of me across the room was up to.

This semi-transparent me looked at the embodied me placidly. Then she turned and looked to her right. She was calm, and I felt nothing other than curiosity.

I reported the experience to the group when we did our check-in. What came to mind as I was speaking was the movie, "Topper." No one else had seen it, but it was exactly on target for me. I explained the premise, that these two people had died in an auto accident and appeared as ghosts for the remainder of the movie. The teacher said, "Yes, but you are not dead."

The next morning, I walked out to my barn. As I put my hand on the gate, the question arose, "How do I know I'm not dead?"

Friends, I can tell you that while I cannot answer that question and do not expect to be able to answer it, it profoundly shifted my attitude toward what we call "death." There are many spiritual experiences known to allay the fear of death, but this seems to have turned death on its head. It isn't strictly that I don't fear death, it's that it has no real meaning.

This leads to some social challenges. What do I say when someone dies? I may be sorry for someone's suffering following a "death," but I cannot honestly refer to death as a loss. Because I have no beliefs about "what comes next," I can't offer the assurance of eternal life or rebirth or heavenly residence.

Someone asked me how I will feel when one of my dogs dies. Will I be upset? Of course! Not having that warm, furry physical presence next to me? That heart-of-my-heart pressed against my leg? So this experience doesn't relieve me of the suffering of loss. Nor would I want to be relieved of that. It is love, pure and simple.

And to come round about to "Topper," one thing I appreciate about the movie is that it offers no insight into "what comes next." There's no preaching, no religious or spiritual orientation (at least that I can recall). There are two humans, then there are two transparent versions of them, then they are gone.