i won't die

When I was a teenager, I was lying on my bed one afternoon. I don't recall exactly how old I was or if I was doing anything, but my recollection is that I was relaxing. Suddenly, and with no warning, I knew with absolute certainty that I would not die in the next minute. I knew, viscerally. There was no antecedent. I wasn't thinking about death or mortality. I don't know that I was thinking about much of anything.

Suddenly, I knew that every other minute was not like that. Death accompanied every other moment of my existence. I could never know if the next moment would be the last. Except this one time.

I never had that experience again, but as with many such experiences, I didn't need a repeat. I had learned what I needed to know.

I forgot that incident for decades. It came back one day, and I felt so much gratitude. I been granted that brief experience of indestructibility. (I also can't recall when the memory returned. These things have their own intelligence, which is largely outside my limited knowing.)

There have been other experiences of indestructibility, but not like that one. It is different to know one's true nature as indestructible than to know that one's mortal existence is--at least temporarily--indestructible.

When I encountered the Terror Management Theory, I knew that it was true and that it explained a lot about human behavior. I wish that everyone could have that ephemeral experience that I did so many years ago. Perhaps we would all be more compassionate toward others and toward ourselves.